I Heart Mommy and Daddy

Thank the kind, merciful Lord that it is finally Friday! I thought that if I had to listen to one more person bitch and moan at work about having to (gasp!) wear their safety glasses, I might have just gone off the deep end and backhanded someone right across the kisser. Next time you decide to complain to the safety manager at your particular place of work (if you have a safety manager) remember that they aren't usually the ones making the rules - they just have to enforce them. Blame the government - specifically the Occupational Health and Safety Administration, which is a part of the Department of Labor. Or, you could just realize that the rules are meant to help you live long enough to see your grandchildren and stop your whining. Your choice.

Anyway, this weekend is going to be good. Why? Because my mommy and daddy are coming to visit! Hubby and I only live about 2-2.5 hours away from them, but they have only come to visit once in the 15 months that we have lived here. And that was back in January. I know that they're usually pretty busy due to the fact that my Dad has been traveling a lot for work lately, and because my 2 little brothers are still teenagers living at home, but you'd think they could find a spare weekend here and there to visit their first-born! Oh well. They're only going to be in town on Sunday, but we have a good day planned. We're going to drive up to Saint Joseph, MI, which is about 40 minutes from where we live. It's right on Lake Michigan - we can go out on the pier and maybe go to some shops downtown. Then we'll come back to South Bend for dinner before they head home. I'm looking forward to their visit, even if it does mean that I have to scrub the toilet.

Well, that's about it I guess. Not much else going on. Everyone have a great weekend!

A Good and Proper Bitch-Fest

Have you ever had just "one of those weeks (or days, years, whatever)" that makes you so tired and aggravated that you begin to question the worth and meaning of your own existence? That makes you start to feel dissatisfied with just about everything - your job, your fianancial situation, your personal relationships, your spirituality, and really just the world in general? Well, I'm having one of those weeks. Months, maybe, because I've been down in the dumps for a while. I don't suppose it's anything serious. I used to get like this all the time a few years back, but thought that I was finally growing out of the adolescent angst stages. I guess everyone's entitled to a little breakdown now and again.

Last night I was crying (real tears and everything!) to my husband that the world was full of rotten people and most of us are going to go straight to hell because we know how to be kind, decent people but we just refuse to try to be. A lot of things have been upsetting me lately, but this particular rant was due to the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back - a news article about Natalee Holloway (the missing American girl in Aruba.) I made the mistake of clicking on the "Discuss" link at the bottom of the article. There were a bunch of people on the message board calling her a slut and basically blaming her for the fact that she was (probably) killed by the teenaged boys that she drove off with the night she disappeared. Am I completely naive and/or off my rocker to believe that, if they did indeed kill her, it was their fault? I mean, we all do stupid things when we're young. That's what being young is about...doing stupid stuff that you learn and grow from. The difference is that she's not going to get the chance to learn from her mistake, which to me is a tragedy. There were a few times (ok, a lot of times) when I was in college that I got stupid drunk in some campus bars. Once I actually blacked out while dancing with a guy that I didn't know. The next thing I knew I was in the bathroom puking my guts out. I found out later that the guy I was dancing with actually had helped me down the stairs to the bathroom, and that my friends didn't even notice I was gone until a few minutes later. If he had, instead, helped me out into a back ally and did horrible things to me, would I be to blame? I mean, my behavior was completely irresponsible, but is society really so messed up today that it would forgive the guy who did the horrible things because I shouldn't have been acting like a drunken slut? That I "deserved" to be beaten/robbed/raped/stabbed/what have you because I was being irresponsible? Good Lord. No wonder it's hard to get victims to come forward sometimes.

Anyway, like I said, reading those people's comments wasn't the only thing that upset me. I've been having issues with work lately that have me tense and angry a lot of the time. I've been butting heads with a few people. Even my boss is getting on my case a little more than he has in the past. I think that it's just that I've been at my job for about 15 months now, and he's starting to expect more of me. Great. And my husband, as much as he may think that he's trying to help me, tends to not take my side when I'm having conflicts with people. I think that he's just trying to make me realize what I could do differently in the future to avoid having the conflicts, but what I really want is for him to tell me that the other people are jerks, that I can do no wrong and then love me up and make it better. What? That isn't what marriage is about? Weird.

I suppose that I should really start going back to church. There are a few reasons that I have stopped going (my husband is a different religion so I always have to go alone, my husband is a different religion and does not agree with a lot of my beliefs, my husband is a different religion so sometimes we get into arguments about the catholic church versus the protestant church, etc.). But when I stop to consider my past angst episodes, I realize that my religion has had a lot to do with pulling me out of them and putting the meaning back in my life. I don't have that rock to cling to these days, so it's no wonder I would feel a bit lonely and out of sorts. I keep telling myself that I'll start going to church again when I get pregnant so that I will be a good example for my children, but I should probably just go back now. We'll see.

Ok, well I'll stop venting. My husband knows about my blog now (hi, honey!) so I'll lay off talking about him. Although it's not like he doesn't know that we don't always agree about things. I still love him, though! At least things don't get boring.

Growing Pains

It's been a while since I bitched about my job, so I think I'll get it all out now. I'll feel better afterwards! And anyway, it's not really bitching. Just venting a bit.

As I've mentioned before, my job title ends in the word Manager, yet I do not have any direct authority over my coworkers. To put it another way - on my company's organizational chart, there are no little branches coming out of my box to indicate that there are people who report to me. I am, however, expected to make up, train others on, and "enforce" health and safety rules. "Enforce" is in quotations because I don't have the authority to discipline people. It's more like, if I see a safety violation, I tell people to fix it and then hope that they do. If they don't fix it, then I have to go to their bosses and hope that their bosses will lay down the law.

Now, when it comes to my coworkers' opinions about how I handle my job, there are 2 sets of people. The first set consists of those who believe that I should go through the proper channels to achieve my goals. For example, I want to put ergonomic mats down in the laboratory due to an lab employee's safety suggestion. I have no budget, so I can't just buy them. I took my idea to the lab supervisor, who in turn took the idea to his Director. Now the Director is going to the Vice President, who gets very concerned about the aesthetics of the workplace, to ensure that she will not mind us putting mats down in the laboratory. This concept of "going through proper channels" is something that we actually get evaluated on during our reviews. And I got a "meets expectations" so I guess my boss approves of this method of going about things.

The other set of people believe that I am not aggressive or authoritative enough. That I am a "manager" and therefore should take a little more initiative in fixing problems or implementing ideas myself. That safety and health is my responsibility and everyone, including the owners of the company, should have to do what I say because about 90% of the policies that I implement are the law (literally - they come from the OSHA standards). Today, especially, the Director of Sales and Marketing gave me an earful because he thinks that I need to be more "aggressive" and stop always asking other people before I take action. I've also gotten this from my boss about some things. He sends mixed messages sometimes, without really meaning to. He thinks I should take the initiative and be authoritative, but also lead by "influence" and go through the proper channels. Sigh.

Anyway, so today I sent out an email to everyone in the company because a few people are not wearing their safety glasses and proper footwear in various areas that they should be doing these things in. I wanted the email to basically portray the fact that I am frustruated because I have told everyone multiple times what the rules are. I spelled out the rules again (complete with underlining and bold font), and explained exactly why they need to follow them. I believe I included the statement "I completely understand that these rules are not covenient, but they are rules." The Human Resource Administrator (who has made no secret in the past of wanting me to be more aggressive) asked me if someone put starch in my underwear. Sigh again. But she did think it was good that I was very clear that the rules apply to everyone and they need to be followed. And the Director that got uppity with me today emailed me back saying that he liked my email because I sounded "empowered" and "authoritative." Not that it really matters what he thinks, but it did feel good to tell people off (although I tried really hard to not be overtly bitchy). I take a lot of crap from people because I am the first safety person that this company has ever had and they don't always appreciate me coming in and making changes. Especially since I am right out of college. But whatever. That's what I was hired for.

Ok, well I guess that's enough. Everyone has their little dramas going on at work. It's just hard when you're expected to take charge but you have no real power. It's Friday, though, so at least I have a couple days to chill out. And starch my underwear for Monday.

I Love Vacation!

Ok, it has been a very long time since I've posted. I'll admit it. I was just in one of those, "I don't feel like blogging today" moods for a while. Now I'm back. And so very thrilled that it is so much easier to post pictures now! Although I did still have trouble getting them to look right on the page. Oh well. The above pictures are from my California and Tennessee trips. You should be able to tell the difference without me telling you which are which, so I won't bother. I will say, though, that the cabin is where hubby and I stayed when we went on vacation. It cost the same as a nice hotel room, only we had our own full kitchen, washer/dryer, hot tub, jacuzzi, pool table, etc. We had a great time. It was sooo hard to go back to work. Especially since all these other people keep going on vacation, reminding me that mine is over! There's always next summer...we're thinking about Yellowstone. Long drive, but maybe it would be worth it. We'll have to see.